What happens when the boy you've been writing comes home...?

{This was taken moments after we saw each other for the first time...I'm trying to act cool, but inside I'm dying}

I feel kind of weird writing about this because for a long time I wouldn’t admit that I even had a missionary. Finally at six months out I realized that I had been writing this boy every week…for six months and that just maybe it would be okay if I called him my missionary.

Gil and I only knew each other for a semester before he served his mission. When he left we both decided we would just write as friends—he would work his hardest out in the mission, and I would dive into the world of dating back home. As simple as that sounded it was actually quite difficult. Trying to open up your heart to other boys when it is locked on a certain someone who you may or may not work out with in the end is very confusing.

But not a day went by that I didn’t think about him. And before I knew it December 29, 2010 turned into December 18, 2012 and Elder Marchant was no longer an Elder. As excited as I was for him to come home I was also very nervous. I had no idea what to expect. And even though I kept telling myself not to build expectations I would be lying big time if I didn’t say the expectations and hopes were lingering in the air.

One of the hardest things when Gil came home was that I didn’t really know how to handle the situation. I didn’t know many girls whose missionaries had come home yet. I didn’t know whom to turn to for advice because—even if I did know girls with missionaries—their situation was not necessarily exactly like mine. There were a few things I think would have been nice to know and these are some of them:

1.     Be Patient. When Gil first came home we spent a lot of time together during that first week…but we both felt something was wrong. Together we decided to take a step back and give him some time to get his feet on the ground.  He went on a few dates, got to know his ward and roommates and got a little bit of a life behind him…

     We decided that the only way to help him get adjusted back to normal life would be for us to not talk for a couple of weeks. Crazy, right? Voluntarily not seeing the boy I’d dreamed of seeing every day for two years. But as crazy as it sounded I knew it was something that needed to be done. A necessary evil. We originally planned on doing it for a month… but I couldn’t last that long (haha) so we cut it down to two weeks. When we got back together after those two weeks things were better.

2.        Don’t feel pressure. Gil and I laugh because we realize that all of my friends and all of his friends had already planned our engagement, wedding, and first child for us without us having any say. (Admittedly, that’s probably our fault for talking about each other to our friends so much…). Don’t let anyone else tell you what is best for you. Obviously its good to listen to their advice, but in the end do what you feel is best for yourself.

3.     This one has to do with patience again. Remember that you’ve been in the dating world for the past two years, but he has not. Just remember that.

4.     If you and him don’t work out it’s not the end of the world.  It’s a heartbreaking thought, I know. But try to focus on the good things that came from your experience.  

5.     Have fun. Yes, It’s good to talk about where you guys stand now that he is back, but if that’s all you ever talk about then you’ll feel emotionally exhausted after a while. Do fun stuff like go on group dates, play games, and other wonderful activities.

6.     Let him talk about the mission. This one isn’t too hard ‘since I’m actually pretty interested. I’d spent two years day dreaming about what he was doing so to be able to hear him talk about it is really fun. Their mission means a lot to them…so always be willing to listen when they just wanna talk about it.

7.     Remember that every relationship is different. When he comes home it may or may not click right away. Some girls get engaged to their missionaries two weeks after they come home and some don’t get engaged for a year after…and some never get engaged to him. Try not to compare your relationship to anyone else’s because yours is your own and everyone is different.

That’s it for now. I’m still pretty new with all of this. Still in the middle of it actually. I have no idea where he and I will end up. But I gotta say, having him back is the greatest. Sometimes I take a step back and realize that he is finally home, the countdown is done, and the thought makes me one happy girl.